Type 1 isn't just all needles and test strips. But I am thinking about it every second of every day. Luckily, this sweet boy hopefully is not. For now I can bear his burden. For now I thank God that I can bear his burden or at least part of it. While this trip to Bush Park looks lovely in pictures and of course that is real joy on our faces so in that moment it was lovely but there is always a part of myself that is waiting and prepping for the next diabetic chore. It might be as simple as making sure he is continuing to drink water (you get behind on that and you will start to see the dark circles under his eyes, I am forever trying to interpret the color of his skin, the look in his eye, the depth of the circles around them.)
Or maybe after that rough and tumble in the leaves he burned to many carbs and needs a couple chocolate kisses to pick him back up. In fact about 20 minutes after these pictures were taken he starting wanting to lay on the ground. Red flag. Low or dropping fast. So, chocolate kisses are given. You guess at the right amount. You're wrong and an hour later he is 340. Great. The yoyo.
Or maybe you didn't double check your syringes so when its time to eat while you are out trying to have a fun family adventure you have one syringe left. Don't mess it up! This is your only chance to get it right! That might be the end of the world if you screw this up. That's how everything feels. So life and death. And I guess that's because it's true. Not every single decision but all of them put together keep him alive. And yes when it comes to the correct amount of insulin, it is life or death. The insulin that gives him life could easily snatch it away.
Now, the balance. Trying to be in the moment as we play in the leaves, finding the joy, setting aside the diabetes. It'll be OK for five minutes, it'll be OK for 10 minutes, just rest, just relax, just laugh and smile at your boys.