“You cannot erase memories but you can let go of the heavy energy that is attached to them.” -yung pueblo
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I needed this. I gave Ocean the wrong insulin the other night. Short acting instead of long acting. Very dangerous. He started going low and refused to eat and kept spitting out the sugar water. I put him in the bath because of course his hands have to be clean for the blood tests he was going to be having every 15 minutes for the next three hours because of my mistake.
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Ocean kept spitting out the sugar and sobbing. He has been force feed thousands of teaspoons of sugar since diagnosis and he is sick of it.
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But he was starting to shake from the low blood sugar. I began to panic and screamed at him that he was going to die if he didn’t drink the sugar. I screamed. At my little boy. And sobbed. And screamed again. He was scared and his blood sugar was dropping fast.
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It wasn’t going to work. I was going to have to give him a glucogan emergency shot and go to er. In one breath I forced myself to calm down so I could save
my sons life. I can’t be hysterical while giving him a giant shot of hormones to make his blood sugar come back up.
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I wrapped him up and held him close. Whispered I’m so sorry in his ear over and over. He couldn’t breath through the tears let alone eat. I climbed into bed with him, the glucogan and blood sugar kit and a ton of junk food.
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I made a simple plan. Feed him carbs he will actually eat even if they aren’t fast acting carbs and if he passes out be ready to buck up and give him the big boy glucogan.
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Each 15 minutes blood check brought us farther from the mistaken shot and closer to safety. And we made it. He didn’t need the glucogan or the hospital. He made it through ok but I feel broken. I can’t stop thinking about breaking down in front of him In the bathtub. About screaming at him in fear. Seeing his face contort into a bigger, deeper more heart wrenching cry. My soul feels crushed. I haven’t been able to breathe deep since that night. Is he thinking about it too?
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Will I be able to let go of the heavy energy attached to this night?
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Not yet.