Easter

This week was hard. I’m not a big fan of Easter anymore because it was Easter 4 years ago that we were at Dornbeckers sitting with the new knowledge that Ocean had type one diabetes. Sitting with the trauma of what had just happened in the PICU - sitting with the almost visceral knowledge that we almost lost O. I took pictures that day of him opening Easter gifts from Grammy and was more than a little disturbed by how thin he was and seeing the 50 different bruses covering his body from when they were trying to get a pick line in made me realize I had already tried to block out the trauma. . The fear still sits in my heart - I don’t think it’s ever gone away - it hasn’t in four years. It will consume you if you let it - and it has consumed me at different times over this diabetic journey. But I’m learning to let go. Or maybe I am just at the point where I want to learn to let go. . Fear is such a powerful beast. You all now know what it’s like to live with fear everyday. With this crisis - this global pandemic - this, yes, trauma. Maybe you understand a bit more what’s it’s like to live day in and day out with a monster over your head. Although, I wish you all didn’t have to live in fear right now - like we have for the last 4 years - I am sure it will change you for the better as it has changed me. . Let it change you friends.