I’ve been writing this the past week or so and finally felt ready to share:
The horrors of humanity have always weighted heavy on me. Extensively studying the holocaust in eighth grade sent me into a deep despair and long depression. It took years of therapy to figure out how to live in a world that would treat each other that way. That still so obviously still treat each other that way.
Sometimes though, I wonder if all I learned all those years in therapy was how to shove all those emotions down. All those fears. All those horrors. All that knowledge. Yes I talked about it to death with many therapists and journaled endlessly, but at some point I stepped away from those big, big feelings. I stepped away so that I could move forward. I didn’t know how to carry the knowledge of what humans can do to each other and be happy in my day to day life. So I wrapped those emotions up tight and shoved them deep down inside. As I stepped away, I closed my eyes to the wicked world around me and only opened them when it felt safe.
But is that the way I want to live my life? Is that who I want to teach my already so loving son to be? Absolutely not. It’s time to open my eyes and see what’s been happening across our country for years. To try to unpack some of that fear and choose to no longer turn away from my fellow man. When I hide from their pain, how can I help? We all deserve to be seen. To be heard. Isn’t that what I’m always roaring about on here with diabetes and autism and high needs kiddos? I want my life and my story to be seen and heard and understood. Don’t we all deserve that?
Maybe this time as I look around me and choose to see the world as it really is - maybe this time doing something about it will be the difference. Pulling my head out of the sand, looking about, speaking out, creating change in myself, my family, my community. This time I want to carry the knowledge with me and use its power to spread more love. To choose to hold space for each and every one of you to share your story - your truth. And to be part of the change. Thanks for sticking me with as I continue to learn and grow. Xoxo