A letter to my son Ocean on the 5 year anniversary of his type one diabetes diagnosis:
Dear little bug - five years ago today was the worst day of my life. The crippling fear that wrapped around my soul that horrible night will never leave me. The way your silky skin feels under my fingerpads can still transport me back to clinging to your body in that PICU hospital crib (that they told me I couldn’t climb into but you better believe the second that nurse left I climbed right in to hold you - and then because I believe she thought as well that we may lose you that night and was not going to deny a momma holding her babe she never made me climb out 🤍) as you were clinging to life. The smell of the handsoap at the dentist office always takes me to the floor of our bathroom at dornbecker when I finally let myself cry. Every time I give you a shot it still sends a pain through my heart as if I’m piercing through my soul instead of your skin. I still have nightmares where you are trapped in a glass box dying and I scream in hysterics because I can’t get to you. Some days I still feel like I’m drowning and when my head peaks out above the waves I still cant believe this is your life.
But you? Oh my dear - you are as strong as they come. Your simple joy in life and love of laughter has not dimmed one bit since your type one diabetes diagnosis. Not one little bit after all that trauma. You may have stopped talking for a few years but man oh man that laughter of yours never stopped. What a light you are. What an inspiration. Of course I cry as I type these words because although I still can’t believe this is our life, you show me every day that you can handle it - that youve got this. Everyday you encourage me to follow your lead and let laughter guide me. Thank you for choosing me to be your mom and walking beside me and your dad, shedding all the bloody light (no pun intended I just now have an almost eight year old that says fuck so I guess it’s finally time I watch my language 🙃) on this brutiful life. You are one in a million my sweet one.
#diaversary #typeonediabetes #mytypeonehero #mytypeonewarrior #typeonemom #typeonelife #laughteristhebestmedicine