Here it is - the custom I’ve been working on for months. A 123inch Table Runner! Holy crap it was sloooow going and I had to take many breaks and do mindless making (knotting things I’ve made a million times) to have the patience to continue. It really made me grow and taught me many things about the art of macrame but also about what I want my business to look like and where I want to spend my time. Most of all it forced me to again learn about patience. I have never unknotted a piece so much - I’ve always loved how macrame mimics life. The winding road we travel - two steps forward, one step back - and the patience it takes to unknot your progress - to look at yourself or your piece and say, that needs more work. I’ve been so angry lately. It’s consuming me. I need work. I think it’s part of the reason why I had such a hard time with this table runner. I find that when I’m struggling through my life - my custom piece struggles right along with me. I hoped that when mercury went back to normal my anger would leave. But its still an ever present weight in my chest. I’m so angry at what diabetes has taken from us that it’s blocking my happiness. The process of grief is strange. I keep thinking I’m good and then it hits me again. There is no end to Ocean’s diabetes so there is no end to this life for us and I am still grieving that. Sometimes I can hold my anger in one hand and my happiness in the other. Sometimes i can be joyful at the same time that I am sad. But sometimes the anger bubbles over and pushes away all the joy. And all I’m left with is fucking fury.

So I just wait it out. Or more honestly run it out 🏃‍♀️ - my knees are killing me. The happiness will come back - it always does. And I find that if I let myself be angry for a time - however long that is - eventually it makes some room for happiness again. What was I talking about? Oh ya, a big ass table runner. Finally done and in her new home. It was hard. But was worth it. Just like life.