Ocean’s type one diabetes is not curable and requires MDI’s (multiple daily injections) and round the clock blood checks to keep him alive. One of the most common questions I am asked is if the shots bother him. Of course they do. It’s a needle. It sucks. There’s no way around it. Ocean spent the first 3 years of his diabetes rarely expressing any anger about his shots and finger pokes. Usually not giving more than a wince unless I hit a blood vessel. Although he was only ever willing to let me put a shot in his arm. He hated it in his thigh and would scream if I tried to put it in his upper glute or stomach. After three years of micro trauma in his triceps the insulin would no longer absorb so we were forced to work with him to feel comfortable with those other areas of his body. We starting using a mirror so he could see the area being poked - he looks at the skin afterwards and makes sure it’s ok. Usually it is. Sometimes it’s not. Which means it hurt a bit more than usual and he just needs to express it. I spent the first 2 years after Oceans diagnosis with my heart closed, my emotions on lockdown - just trying to survive. Trying not to express anything because if I started I didn’t think I could stop. And the things I wanted to express were so powerful and so painful that I just put everything in a box. It was too much for me to hold - to look at. But now I am trying. I want to make sure Ocean is being seen. Instead of pretending I didn’t just give him a shot, I now look him in the eye, ask him if it hurt and give him the chance to express himself if he needs to. Hopefully if I unbox my stuff he will see that it’s ok to live authentically and express both the good and the bad stuff. And it will make this whole diabetes thing a bit easier to handle. This was a long ramble all to celebrate that Ocean let me put a shot in his stomach today. Small victories folks.