Pre vs Post

Sometimes it hurts to look at pictures of Ocean pre-diagnosis. Chubby little innocent one. I'm glad we didn't know what was to come but I just wish...well I guess I just wish it never came. I miss the days before. And I'm overwhelmed and scared of the days ahead. It's taken him almost a year to start doing some of the things he could do before the slow (then rapid) downward slide into type one. Making funny faces in the mirror - or phone, is one of those things.

Ocean went through so much trama right when he was startinf to talk that he not only stopped learning new words but regressed. I I remember noticing the changes start around October of 2015 (diagnosis wasn't until March 2016.) I thought he was just asserting his independence by not wanting to mimic me anymore and not saying the words I knew he knew. Little did I know his body was slowly starting to attack those beta cells. It was at least 6 months before the final trigger happened and his pancreas stopped working completely. Months of his body having high blood sugars and me not knowing. Months of him probably knowing something wasn't quite right with no way to tell me. I hate that I didn't know.

The first word he ever spoke was Light. Last night he finally said it again. 


Pre - diagnosis ⬆️ Probably July 2015


Post-diagnosis ⬆️ Feb 2017


The kid that never stops laughing

After a day of grief, fury and defeat this sure helps. 


He is playing a PBS game of Nature Cat. His laugh is changing. *sigh* He truely is the kid that never stops laughing. We co-sleep and I will wake up to hearing him making a sound and of course thing he is having a nightmare - nope just laughing in his sleep. Wakes up in the morning giggling. Begs to be tickled. I want to keep laughing too. 

Bedtime reading

I'm not really sure where to start with this blog.  I have so much to say.  So many stories to tell.  Stories that I really need to tell but it feels scary and overwhelming to start.  So I am going to start with normal life.  At night, Ocean and I usually stay up much later than Daddy (he gets up much earlier than us.)  Tonight he was looking through our classic book section. Ya know, just a little light reading. N. Machiavelli and Mark Twain.  Ha!

I find these pictures so hilarious.  You can tell his is being goofy and we love goofy.  He helps me stay goofy.